so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
