I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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