she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
