Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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