How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You ruined the universe
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
