dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
