I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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