can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
