Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
