We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
