don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
