This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
