I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You smell like a Billy Joel song
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
