We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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