all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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