Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
