1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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