i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
