Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Randomize
