Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
