the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
