Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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