Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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