you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
