Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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