his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
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I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Someone came in the potted fern
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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