Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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