whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
