Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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