I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
