Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
