I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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