I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
