Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
please come you make the beer taste better
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
