yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
