The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
