Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
