wat bout pragnant strippers??
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
