the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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