I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
