toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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