First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Small penises have feelings too.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
last night I used snow as a chaser
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
