If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
