I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
