So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
