i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
