The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
