So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
