WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
