We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
